that was a good day.
do you remember?

hunting.

i have been browsing craigslist for a part-time job in the seattle area.
at first, i thought, 'oh, this will be very easy!'
but it isn't really. it has been a week, and i have sent 11 personalized e-mails (to various businesses) indicating interest with my resume attached. i have received 2 responses. first: basically, 'thank you for your interest. you did not make the list of interviews.' second: 'it looks like the resume wasn't attached properly; please try again.' the second was for a receptionist position at a yoga studio. i don't remember what the first was for.

i know it has only been a week, but... i don't know.

if all else fails, i will return to value village. maybe. for fun?

sometimes i miss things.

it doesn't happen in any specific order.

sometimes i miss the ocean.
sometimes i miss being little.
sometimes i miss long e-mails.

"i'd rather not use paper."

that whole "save the earth" business.

who lives like this?

anthropologie has great artistic direction.
like free people. only, free people has a lot more to offer, and they don't have that "stuffy" feeling. (thus the "free" in "free people".)

midday chatter.

isn't chatter strange?

webster defines chatter, the noun, as "idle talk".

i don't know why, but the word "idle" causes me anxiety and irritation. as does chatter itself. does it make me unfriendly to not want to engage in chatter - whether it be with strangers, friends or relatives?

listening to chatter can be interesting. i like hearing a choir of voices and then trying to single out each one. i don't like loud chatter; loud chatter can easily become maddening within seconds. whereas, soft, easy-going chatter can be lulling. i like soft chatter.

there is a lot of chatter below me. i am in the upstairs of the bookstore, where a half consumed blueberry muffin is keeping me company at the table i reserved as "my study". blueberries smell delicious. all berries smell scrumptious.

two weeks.

until we move to washington.

air travel is great.

i want to go to an airport, wait in lines, listen and observe people, take a picture, browse magazine racks, purchase a bottle of water, and fly on an airplane.

reflection on yesterday|today|tomorrow.

there's a lot of freedom in writing.
if it weren't so intimidating, it would be inspiring.

lately i've been reconsidering everything i'm doing with my life - where i'm focusing all of my energy. i want my efforts to count for something. i want to be happy with what i accomplish in day-to-day life as well as the long-term outcome. and i never thought this was impossible. nobody can tell me it's out of the question, no-way no-how impossible. it's possible. and it's sad that so many people do believe it is an unrealistic goal. (am i wrong?) ...that for so many, having ANY job is good. whether they enjoy it or not doesn't matter, as long as there is a life-sustaining income. when did scraping by become a lifestyle?

i don't want that.

when i have dreams that encourage me to be who i want to be and when i have people fully supporting me, it's just pitiful to crawl into any uncreative, undesirable position behind a desk.

& everything.

i don't really know what i'm doing.

a statement that applies to almost everything in my life.
(exceptions: i know that i am loving people. i know that i am trying to figure it out. things like that.)

but not knowing what i'm doing has never scared me before, and it still doesn't. the new and pretty pieces of life that show up unexpectedly don't seem so scary. maybe i should be more concerned. it's just hard to be upset, when you're looking at the sky.